The Bridges We Burn
by lovingelenagilbert
Summary: May the bridges we burn light the way. Elena finds herself lost once again, reflecting upon the past two years. After all they had, Damon acts like she is a stranger and two weeks from now, he will be out of her life forever. Should she fight, or should she surrender? A story of choices, mistakes, and consequences. AU. AH.
1. Chapter 1

**The Bridges We Burn**

„**This is for who I was, who I am, who I might be. **

**This is for you."**

* * *

_CHAPTER ONE - 505 / Prologue_

„_It seems like once again you had to greet me with goodbye."_

* * *

I exhaled deeply, my breath crystallizing in the cold night air. Unsure of what to do, I reached into my bag, took a cigarette and realized upon lighting it that I wanted to stop smoking. Thinking back on the events of the night, my resolve quickly crumbled and five minutes later, I stomped the cigarette out on the sidewalk, only to light another one. Somehow, this had become my life. I found myself at a crossroads time and time again in the last two years, standing on a sidewalk in a city that seemed so familiar and strange to me, not knowing where to go from there.

From the moment I met him two years ago, I knew I was screwed. But I never thought it would be this bad. No matter what anyone told me, I didn't listen. Not when they told me to stay away, not when they told me to stay. I was drawn to him, and I ran from him. Brief snippets from our life together flashed before my eyes, and suddenly I knelt on the cold asphalt, shaking violently, tasting salt. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than for all this to be over in two weeks, but it wouldn't be. All the hurt would stay with me for the rest of my life. I'd walk with a hole in my chest where my heart should be, where he should be, for the rest of my life. After two years, I had two weeks? After everything that happened between us, this was supposed to be it?

It was what I deserved. I fucked up. I ruined him, and I ruined us.

With shaky legs, I got up from the sidewalk, brushing the dirt off of my jeans. I looked at the door I walked through a thousand times for the last time, turned around and swore myself to never look back.

It was the most heart-breaking thing I ever had to do.

* * *

**AN:** So, there it is. The first chapter to my first story! I know it doesn't make sense yet, but I have a vague idea where this is all headed. If I got you interested, stick with me for the second chapter, where our plot train will start moving. Please leave me a review, I'd appreciate every single one. x


	2. Chapter 2

_CHAPTER TWO – Will do_

„_We won't know the actual if we never take the chance."_

* * *

January 17th, 2015.

As soon as I stepped into my small apartment and closed the door, I slid down the wall and buried my face in my hands. None of this was ever supposed to happen, I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him, I wasn't supposed to find him to be the love of my life, and I wasn't supposed to break his heart. And he wasn't supposed to break mine. When did this go wrong? Was it when I met him, was it when I fell for him, or was it when I ran? Caroline had offered me a lot of unneeded advice over the past two years, and Bonnie a lot of unneeded wisdom. I wouldn't listen when they told me I was only going to get hurt, and I wouldn't listen when they told me I shouldn't leave him. It really was my fault how things had turned out. Of course I shouldn't have felt myself being so attracted to him that one faithful night, but who could blame me? He was the most intriguing person I had ever met, and it was as if I was being pulled magnetically to him. That's when it all went wrong. I could pinpoint the moment where I lost control over my life to that one little second when our eyes met.

* * *

The entire Salvatore boarding house was packed with people. I had a hard time getting through the crowd, but I finally managed to spot Stefan and Caroline in a corner, obviously in another one of their disagreements. It was Stefan's 18th birthday, which he wanted to celebrate quietly and with as little people as possible. Once again, Caroline went out of her way to disrespect his wish, as she always did.

When Caroline begged me to introduce her to him three years ago, I never thought they could work. Stefan had just moved back to Mystic Falls from New York, where his father was running a law firm. Or rather, had been running, seeing as he retired shortly before they moved back. Although Stefan was born here, he grew up in New York, and the only reason why he was in Mystic Falls right now was because of his parents divorce. Giuseppe had always dreamed of coming back to his hometown after retirement, so he did and took Stefan with him. The older brother, Damon, stayed in New York, apparently he hated Mystic Falls too much to even come with his parents when they visited during summer. I knew Stefan growing up, my parents and his parents were best friends, a fact that Caroline was very well aware of – which was why I had to introduce her to Stefan.

To everyone's surprise, Caroline and Stefan got along well, and a few weeks later they became a couple. They were inseparable ever since, but needless to say, she drove him up the wall regularly.

Tonight was another one of those times, a big birthday celebration was the last thing Stefan had wanted, yet Caroline being Caroline, she threw the biggest party Mystic Falls had ever seen.

"I told you I wanted quiet!" I heard him say disgruntledly.

"Well, we can turn the music down if you want?"

I internally rolled my eyes. Leave it to Caroline to always find the right words.

"Yes, Caroline, this is exactly what I meant. The main reason I feel uncomfortable is because the music is too loud. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the entire student body of our high school is in my house."

Caroline was just about to shoot back when I intervened.

"Hey guys, great party Caroline." Taking a present out of my bag, I added "And happy birthday Stefan, hope you like it", pulling him into a hug.

God, they drove me crazy sometimes with their bickering, but nonetheless, I loved them. Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, Tyler and I were best friends ever since kindergarten, and Stefan got granted a place in our group soon after he arrived in Mystic Falls, as knowing me for years and being Caroline's boyfriend gave him a special status. It didn't take him long to gain my friends trust, and quickly, our group of five had embraced another member.

"Open it, open it" Caroline squealed, being more excited than him about his birthday.

"I will" Stefan smiled "later. After the party, I'd really like it if all six of us could hang out. That way, I might still be able to get my small round. Now, all I want is to enjoy the unreasonably big party my amazing control freak of a girlfriend threw me."

She giggled as he took her hand, leading her to the dance floor. Dreamily, I stared at them. You might not believe it at first glance, but they really were perfect for each other. He calmed her down when she freaked out in the typical Caroline manner, and she seemed to be the only one to get him out of his broodiness. Suddenly, a voice I had never heard before disrupted my thoughts.

"Can I get you anything to drink? And if yes, would you be so kind and show me where the good alcohol is? I'm not overly fond of cheap beer in red plastic cups."

I turned around, only to find the most beautiful man I had ever seen. For a moment, his raven hair and icy blue eyes threw me off, but just for a moment. I wasn't going to let some stranger who didn't even bother to introduce himself make me lose my composure.

Raising my eyebrow at him, I said, "And you are? You don't exactly look like you're part of the Mystic Falls High School student body."

The stranger smirked at me. "Right, I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Must've lost them on the way to this hick town. I'm Damon."

And then he did something that completely threw me off guard. He took my hand, lifted it up to his lips and let them linger on the back of my hand for a few seconds. My breath hitched in my throat when he looked up and his eyes met mine, seemingly staring straight into my soul. The moment lasted forever, until I remembered who I was. I was Elena Gilbert, someone who wouldn't lose composure because of some guy she just met. Yes, he might have pretty eyes and lips that were inviting me to crash mine on his, but I was Elena Gilbert. With that thought, I let my hand drop to my side again and smiled casually at him.

"Hello Damon. Mind telling me what you're doing here? Because my best friend organized this party, and I still have absolutely no idea who you are."

Then I realized. His name was Damon. Damon as in Damon Salvatore? As in Stefan's brother? Last time I checked, they hadn't spoken to each other in over a year, let alone seen each other. And yet, there was no doubt, because Damon confirmed my thoughts with his next sentence.

"Well, I could hardly miss my baby brother's birthday. Although the Stefan I remember wasn't really the party guy. Eh, people change I guess. Why are you staring at me like that?"

Way to go, Elena. Embarrass yourself further, as if you haven't already made a fool out of yourself. "Sorry, it's just… I didn't know you guys kept in touch. I thought you were too good to talk to people who willingly moved to hick towns like Mystic Falls."

I seemed to have thrown him off, because it took him a few seconds to respond. Apparently he wasn't used to people sassing him.

"I just… actually, who are you? Are you a friend of Stefan's?"

"I'm Elena, Stefan and I go to high school together. My best friend Caroline, the one who organized this party, is his girlfriend."

"Wait, Elena? Elena Gilbert?"

Surprised he knew my last name, I frowned. "Yeah, that's me. How do you know who I am?"

"Well, Elena", and the way he said my name made my heart beat just a little faster than usually "my parents always told me about Miranda and Grayson Gilbert, their best friends, and they might have mentioned their children Elena and Jeremy once or twice. Had I known what this Elena looks like, I would've spent my summers in Mystic Falls instead of New York." He smirked at me, wiggled his eyebrows and I couldn't help but smile.

"Well, Damon, I feel honored you'd sacrifice your summer in the big city for me, but has it occurred to you that instead of flirting with me, you should go say hi to your brother? Wish him a happy birthday?"

Now it was Damon's turn to smile. "That I should, yeah. You know where he his? Don't feel like looking for my brother in the midst of this." He gestured towards the crowd of high school students.

I looked at the dance floor, where I had last seen Stefan and Caroline, but they where nowhere to be found.

"Unfortunately, I think you have no other option. They went dancing, but I can't see them." Looking at Damon, I suggested "But if you want, I can help you look? I know how to make my way around parties like this."

"I'd love that, Elena", he said, casually offering me his arm, and I gladly accepted. There was something about him, something that made me feel myself drawn to him. The moment I touched him, it felt like electricity was suddenly running through my veins, and I got goosebumps. He stared at me, obviously feeling it too, but we both acted as if it was nothing, and I tried shaking the feeling, yet with no success. His touch burned me, and the close proximity of our bodies helped little to ease my nervousness. Simply talking to him made my heart beat faster, but touching him felt like my knees would give out on me every second. What a cliché I was.

After roaming through the house for about ten minutes, we finally found Stefan and Caroline in the study, accompanied by Matt, Tyler and Bonnie. To be honest, I was a little surprised that they still had their clothes on, they usually couldn't keep their hands off of each other for more than ten minutes. Although judging from the ruffled state of Caroline's curls, they hadn't. Damon and I stood in the room for a while, unnoticed by the others, until he cleared his throat.

"Hello, brother."

With that, their heads turned to us, and Stefan's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Damon. What are you doing here? Thought you were busy spending our father's money up in New York and ruining the reputation of the firm?"

Stefan spoke rarely of his brother, but from the little he told us, they weren't exactly on good terms. Apparently Damon was the head of the firm, which didn't stop him from regularly landing in the tabloids with stories of excessive drinking and sleeping his way through the city. Granted, I never read them, gossip wasn't something I was particularly interested in, but Caroline wouldn't be Caroline without filling Bonnie and me in every time Damon was the talk of the city again. Stefan planned on taking over the firm someday, so he lived in constant fear of Damon fucking up so badly that there was nothing to take over for him anymore. From what I've seen, this wasn't the case yet, and the firm was still one of the most successful in New York, with many international clients and spectacular cases.

"This is exactly what I was doing up until this morning, where I decided to take a flight to Nowhere, Virginia. Couldn't miss my baby brother's 18th birthday, now could I?"

"Well, you didn't, you're here, so now you can take a flight back and leave me alone."

"What kind of brother would I be if I'd do that? No, actually I was planning on staying for a while. I have some business to discuss with our father, and I think this would be best done in person. Promise after I'm done, I'll take the first flight back to New York."

"You discussing business? Now that's a first." Caroline scoffed.

"Ah, Blondie. Long time no see. Can't exactly say I missed you."

How did they know each other? Not even I knew Damon up until half an hour ago. Caroline must have noticed my puzzled expression, because she explained, "Stefan and I visited his mother a little over a year ago, that's when I had the pleasure of meeting Damon." Her voice dripped with sarcasm, something that rarely ever happened, but it seemed as if Damon brought out the best in her. Now that she said it, I remembered. Caroline wouldn't shut up for days about 'the sociopathic man whore', as she dubbed Damon. I also remembered Stefan and he had a big fallout back then, causing their contact to break off. I couldn't recall why, but I was sure Caroline would happily tell me if I asked her later.

Damon was just about to shoot a snarky remark at her, when Matt tried to clean the awkwardness in his typical Matt manner. "Hey Damon, I'm Matt", he said, extending his hand to Damon, smiling brightly. As I said, typical, polite and sweet as usual, but somehow I had the feeling it wouldn't score him plus points with Damon. I was right. Damon stared irritatedly at Matt's hand, then at Matt's face, back down to his hand, and said, "Yeah, whatever." Rude. I could tell Matt was slightly offended, and gave him an encouraging smile. Now it was on me to clear the awkwardness, and I announced, "Tequila. Anyone want some? I think it's time for shots."

That seemed to do the trick, and after everyone had two or three shots, the mood in the room eased up a bit and it almost felt like just another normal Friday night for us. Or at least, it would have, if it wasn't for Damon, constantly burning me with his blue eyes. I couldn't help but blush at his gaze. Right next to me was the most gorgeous man I had ever met, and he couldn't take his eyes off of me. I felt hot under his stare and started engaging in a conversation with Bonnie to distract myself. Unfortunately, that didn't work, as now Damon retorted to other ways to make me nervous, like 'accidentally' brushing my thigh with his hand every time he poured some more bourbon in his crystal tumbler, which was a lot of times. It was unnerving, but suddenly his cell rang, and when he saw the number, he immediately got up and murmured some excuse.

The last thing I heard was, "No, fuck you, Katherine, you manipulative bitch. We're over!"

Stefan and Caroline exchanged a knowing glance, and feeling out of the loop, I asked,

"Who is Katherine?"

Before Stefan could make a sound, Caroline started telling us the story of Damon and Katherine.

She was the daughter of one of the company's most prestigious clients, and the It-girl of New York. Her and Damon started dating a little over a year ago, which caused the Salvatore brothers to have the fight which then again led to the fall out. Stefan didn't think it was a good idea to date the daughter of a client, especially not such an important one. "Damon, of course, wouldn't listen", Caroline said "and look where that got him." The night after Damon proposed, he found her in bed with Mason, one of his college friends. Needless to say, the engagement was called off, and Mason no longer a friend of Damon's. That was three months ago, a year after Damon and Katherine started dating. Now the tabloids were all over the story, the ex-couple in a constant fight, and the firm about to lose the client. Apparently, Katherine urged her father to get a different lawyer firm, and Giuseppe was pissed. He wanted Damon and Katherine to reconcile, something that Damon understandably didn't want, but Katherine for whatever reason did – I guessed that was the business Damon had to discuss with his father. I glanced at my watch, Damon had been gone for ten minutes, and somehow I found myself worrying if he was okay. I grabbed the bottle of bourbon, and excused myself.

"To the bathroom", I said when Caroline asked me where I was going. Real smooth, real believable. Going to the bathroom with a bottle of bourbon? Totally my thing. I practically fled the room before Caroline could question me further, and went to find Damon. It didn't take me long, he was at the back of the house like I thought he would be. The terrace was void of any guests, and he sat on one of the deck chairs with his face in his hands.

I sat down beside him, nudging his arm, and simply asked, "Bourbon?"

When he looked up at me, I saw a range of emotion passing through his eyes, first sadness, disappointment, desperation and anger because of his fight with Katherine, then relief and happiness. Whether it was because of the bourbon or because of me, I wasn't sure. I barely knew him, yet I already felt connected to him.

"Thanks." He took a big gulp of bourbon, then handed the bottle back to me. "Are you cold?" I hadn't noticed it, but I was shivering.

"Do you need a jacket?" Before I could answer, he put his leather jacket around my shoulders. "Better?" I nodded. "Thanks."

He half smiled at me before saying, "I can't believe she still has the nerve to call me."

"What happened? What did she want?" I asked, trying not to sound too curious.

"The usual. Gave me some crappy speech about why she slept with Mason, as if I cared why she did it. Wanted me to rethink my decision of breaking up with her. According to Katherine, it was stupid and impulsive. Told me I was gonna regret it."

"And do you? I mean, regret breaking up?"

"No, of course not. Can't believe I ever thought I loved her. Also can't believe I wasted a year of my life and twelve grand on her."

"Twelve grand?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

He remained silent for so long I thought he wasn't going to answer me, when he suddenly said, barely audible, "Yeah. Engagement ring."

He turned his head towards me, and his eyes held so much pain I had to fight the urge to just kiss him and tell him he was going to be okay. Seeing Damon like this made my heart ache in a way I didn't know was possible. Instead of kissing him, I settled on putting my hand on his, gently squeezing it. He looked at me with disbelief for a second before squeezing back, and I let my head rest on his shoulder. We stayed like this for what felt like forever, in comfortable silence, feeling the warmth radiating off of his body. I didn't think I ever felt that calm and happy in my life, simply being with Damon, content with him brushing his thumb over my hand.

"Elena! Elena! Matt, Bonnie and I are leaving. Need a ride?"

Crap. Tyler was my ride home, as he was our designated driver.

"I'm coming, be there in a minute!"

I handed him his jacket, got up from the desk chair, and before I knew it, I was pulling Damon in a hug.

"Goodbye Damon." I said, hoping he didn't hear the disappointment seeping out of my voice. I didn't want to leave him. It didn't make sense, but if being with him meant sitting with him on a desk chair in the cold air, I'd do it forever.

He looked at me with an undecipherable expression on his eyes, suddenly demanding, "Give me your phone." I didn't bother to ask, just handed it over to him and watched as he quickly typed in a number.

"I'll be staying in Mystic Falls for a week or two, so if you're free sometime, call me?"

He tried to hide it, but I saw the vulnerability in his eyes.

I hesitated. "Are you sure this is a good idea? You're Stefan's brother, and you just got out of a relationship…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Or don't, whatever." He said, sounding cold and detached.

"Damon… This isn't…" I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I wanted to see Damon again, why was I doubting his ability to decide for himself whether this was a good idea or not? He was a grown man, after all.

"Will do."

"What?"

"I'll give you a call Damon. I'd really like to see you again."

"Okay. Can't wait. Goodbye Elena."

"Goodbye Damon".

As I walked around the house to Tyler's car, I could feel his stare on my back.

Somehow, Damon got under my skin tonight, and I didn't know if I could ever shake him.

I didn't know if I would ever want to.

* * *

**AN: **I honestly thought I'd need at least a week to write this, especially with my math, french, physics and latin exam coming up, but somehow I procrastinated the entire Sunday and ended up writing this. It's a little over 3.5k words, which I know is nothing compared to what other FF authors write per chapter, but I wanted this entire chapter to only revolve around Stefan's birthday and I am actually pretty happy with how the story played out in this chapter. Also, I want to thank the 3 follows I got simply because of my meager 400 words chapter 1, to other people this might sound ridiculous, but just the knowledge that three people will read my story makes me happy! Last but not least, I feel the need to say that my story is inspired by "The Story of Us", written by Beautiful1Disaster. Of course, my plot will be different, but the idea with dual timelines and every chapter consisting mainly of flashbacks is so amazing, and since I couldn't find a lot of fics that do this, I thought I could give it a try. I'll stop rambling now, enjoy your Sunday and let me know what you think! x

PS: Chapter 1 &amp; 2 present time take place on January 17th, 2015. Damon will be out of Elena's life in two weeks, meaning January 31st. The flashback takes place on January 17th, 2013. From now on I'll write the date of the present time part of each chapter at the beginning. I won't to this with the past time though, there I'll probably just give hints when the event occurred either in the flashback or in the present time.


	3. Chapter 3

_CHAPTER THREE – Home_

"_So take me somewhere I don't know, 'cause home is not places, it is love."_

* * *

January 18th, 2015.

It's funny how life works out sometimes. When I was eighteen, I didn't see myself being consumed from pain and heartbreak. Yet here I was, mourning over him as if someone had died, when in reality, the love of my life was still alive and well. But I wasn't. I had died the night we ended, and it was only now that I realized how dead inside I had been ever since. When I woke up the night after Stefan's birthday party two years ago, recalling meeting Damon, every nerve inside of my body was tingling with the anticipation of seeing him again. Now, I didn't feel anything anymore. I was nothing but a hollow body, filled with the dust of broken dreams. Not wanting to remember the events of the past night, I let my mind be filled with the memory of Damon, and slowly fell asleep while thinking back on us.

* * *

"Hello?"

He sounded sleepy, and I immediately regretted calling him. Of course he wasn't up yet. What kind of person was up on a Saturday at 7am? Well, except for me maybe. I tossed and turned the entire night, thinking of Damon and whether to call him or not. It was embarrassing. He gave me his number, yet I couldn't bring myself to actually use it to ask him on a date. What if he was just drunk and not really interested in me? What if he already regretted giving me his number? What if he secretly hoped I wouldn't call him?

I was scared he'd reject me the second he heard my voice on the phone, making up excuses why he didn't have time the next week? I knew he probably only wanted to have some fun in Mystic Falls before he left for New York again, but I still wanted him to like me, not think of me as some stupid, easy to get teenage girl.

"It's 7am and you woke me up. Do you want to tell me your number or do I need to have your number tracked down so I can sue you for disturbing my sleep?"

Oh well. Here goes nothing, I told myself.

"Hello Damon. It's Elena. I'm sorry I woke you up, but…"

"Elena! Hey. Hi. How are you? I didn't mean to be rude. Wouldn't have been if I knew it was you."

I could basically hear his smirk over the phone.

"I guess someone takes their beauty sleep very seriously," I teased. "I was thinking… do you want to go out for dinner tonight?"

"I'd love to. Where do you want to go? I hear there's this really great place called The Mystic Grill. Well, actually it's the only place in this hick town. Pick you up at seven?"

"Sounds perfect. I'll text you my address. Bye."

That actually went a lot better than I would have thought. I glanced at my watch. Twelve hours to go. I would have never admitted it out loud, but never before had I been this excited to go on a date. Those twelve hours couldn't pass fast enough.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. It was way over half past six and I couldn't decide on an outfit to wear. Normally I wasn't that kind of person. It was not my thing to be nervous because of a boy, and it definitely wasn't my thing to worry about an outfit. Usually I was rather casual, never really dressing up, always in my jeans and some comfy shirt. It was ridiculous. Damon saw me at the party in an outfit like this and apparently he didn't care, otherwise he wouldn't have given me his number and agreed on a date. Still, I felt the need to impress him. What if he expected me to dress up? He seemed like the type to like a woman in heels. All the things we could do… Me dressed in nothing but heels and…

I groaned. Who was I turning into? This was not like me, Elena Gilbert. I was the kind of girl to dress comfortable, and if he wasn't going to like me in my usual attire? His loss, not mine. I looked at my wardrobe, then looked back at my reflection in the mirror. Suddenly I knew exactly what to wear to impress Damon Salvatore.

Okay, so maybe I didn't go with the jeans and comfy shirt. So much for staying true to who I am, I thought. To be fair – I wore jeans. Paired with a black, pretty revealing crop top, a leather jacket and heels. It was a mistake. Yes, I loved the outfit. Maybe not my first choice, but it looked good, it complimented my figure without being too revealing for my taste. It was the heels I regretted wearing. Converse just aren't a good training for five inch heels. The walk to Damon's car was embarrassing enough already, but walking through the entire Grill to a booth in the back was the most dreadful thing I ever had to do in my life. I wobbled my way to the booth, only to fall ungracefully on the seat and watch Damon chuckle, probably due to my horrible performance on heels. That all was worse enough, but now we were done eating and conversation just wouldn't flow. It seemed awkward and forced, and I excused myself to the bathroom for the fourth time tonight, as I just couldn't stand the weird silence between us. When I came back, Damon was getting dressed. Right then and there I decided never to go on a date again. Not only had I wasted over an hour of my life to get ready for tonight, but also I completely disgraced myself. All I wanted was to get home and forget the night never happened.

Have I already said that Damon Salvatore was the most unpredictable person I had ever met in my life? In case I didn't – he was. Seconds ago, I had never wanted to go on a date ever again, but then I suddenly changed my mind. I decided to never go on a date with anyone ever again but Damon Salvatore. Because what he did next completely astonished me.

"Elena? You coming?"

I wobbled up to him, forced a smile and said, "Yeah, I'm coming. You're taking me home, right? If not, I'd need to call Jenna to pick me up."

"No, actually… I'm not."

"You're not?" I asked, bewildered.

"Nope, I'm not. I actually like you and was looking forward to spend tonight with you."

"Well, it's sweet you did, but I wasn't exactly fun tonight."

"You did okay. You're not the worst company in the world – when you're not trying too hard. I appreciate you dolling yourself up for me, but it isn't you. Forced laughter and not knowing what to talk about isn't you, either. So, what do you say about another shot at our date? I bought us a bottle of bourbon and a bottle of wine while you were in the bathroom. Let's just… go somewhere, pretend tonight didn't happen and talk like we did at the party before we were so rudely interrupted?" He then added with a smirk, "you can even drop the heels."

"Yes to all. Yes to going somewhere, yes to talking, and especially yes to forgetting tonight and dropping the heels. How does one walk with those things?" I exclaimed and laughed. He did, too. Just like that, we were back to normal.

I walked back to the car barefoot, and he teased me about how I was the only girl he knew who couldn't walk with heels.

"I was actually scared you'd break a bone or ten when I saw you walking with those heels. I already imagined myself in the emergency room! Thank god I got you to take them off before that."

"Hey! You try walking with five-inch heels. It's not as easy as you might think – if you want, you can try them on", I teased back.

"Careful, Elena. You're giving me the impression you like a man in heels? Interesting fantasy, can't say I've heard that one before."

"You're impossible!" I groaned as I plopped down on the passengers seat. "Might care to share where you're taking me?"

"Oh, you'll see. But if you don't like the location, we can drive to my house and go to my bedroom instead."

"Never change, Damon, never change."

After that, it got quiet, not the kind of uncomfortable quiet like before, but the kind of quiet where you're content with just being with someone. Where words can't express how happy you are you get to spend time with someone. Because being with Damon – it just felt right.

He pulled up next to a tree in a forest in the middle of nowhere.

"That's the secret location? Didn't peg you for the nature type."

"Well, I'm not. Stefan and I used to go here every day, climbing on trees and playing catch. Of course, we haven't done that in ages, but I still like to go here every now and then when I'm in Mystic Falls and enjoy the atmosphere. It's peaceful, somehow."

"It is", I readily agreed and sat down on the ground, leaning against a tree.

He sat down besides me and put his arm around me.

"So, what will it be, Elena? Wine or bourbon?"

"Think I'll go with the wine this time. I had the worst hangover after Stefan's party, and I blame it one hundred percent on the bourbon."

"Don't insult the bourbon. It's not the bourbon's fault your tolerance is non-existent."

"What are you talking about, my tolerance is way up here", I said, attempting to get up and jump as high as I could when Damon pulled me into his lap.

For a moment, time stood still. All I could see were his bright blue eyes and his lips, curling into that smirk I would have love to kiss off of his face. His hands were on my hips, tracing small patterns into my warm skin, and he stared at me with the most intense look anyone has ever given me. Suddenly, he spoke and the magic was gone.

"So show me, Elena. Show me that great tolerance of yours."

"With pleasure, Damon. Pass me the alcohol, watch and learn."

An hour later, we were lying on our backs in the grass, gazing at the stars. The bottle of wine was already emptied, and the bourbon was a sip or two away from being empty as well. I felt drunk and light-headed, and it was the best feeling in the world. Nothing seemed to matter but Damon next to me, his hands grazing my thigh every now and then. Scratch being drunk; Damon's hand on mine was the best feeling in the world.

"Are you happy, Elena?"

"What would you define as being happy?"

"What would you define it as? By your definition, would you say you're happy?"

"Honestly… No, not really."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. A lot of things." I pondered for a second, wondering if I should tell him about my parents. But with Damon, it just felt like I could tell him anything, and his hands were so soft, and the night was so warm, and the moon shone so brightly.

"My parents… They died almost a year ago. May 23rd, 2012. They picked me up from a party, a party they didn't want me to go to in the first place. It was raining, and the roads got slippery. My dad couldn't control the car anymore, and we crashed. I survived, they didn't. Ever since then, things that mattered before don't seem to anymore. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I feel guilty. It's… it's my fault they were in that car. I survived, they didn't, and it's my fault. So no, I'm not happy. Not anymore."

"I'm sorry." He took my hand, looked me in the eyes and simply said, "But it wasn't your fault. We can't control the things that happen to us, and you couldn't have known what would happen. You deserve to be alive, Elena. You deserve to be happy."

For the second time tonight, time stood still. I had no idea how Damon managed to get under my skin so fast, but I didn't care. All I cared about was he being so close to me, feeling his body's warmth, seeing his piercing gaze and knowing he'd take me for who I was. So I did the only thing that felt right. I kissed him.

His soft lips moved under mine, his hands moved all over my body, my thigh, my stomach, my breasts. Everything felt heightened, brighter, purer, better. I pulled him closer to me, not being able to get enough of him. He tasted like bourbon and smoke and something that was uniquely Damon, and he smelled like home. Kissing him was coming home.

After what felt like an eternity, we emerged from each other.

"Hey there." His voice was raspy.

"Hey." I stifled a yawn.

"Was kissing me so boring, or did my amazing technique exhaust you?"

"I'd say the latter." I kissed him again. "Yeah, definitely the latter."

"Right answer. Should I take you home? I think I'm sober enough to drive again."

He must have interpreted the expression on my face the right way, because he added, "And don't worry. I know you can't get enough of me, so how about we see each other again soon? I'd say tomorrow but", he glanced at his watch, "as it's past 1am already, I'm gonna say today?"

"I would very much like that. Can you take me home now?"

He looked at me with the most affectionate expression in his eyes, and whispered "Sure. I'm gonna take you home, Elena."

I felt his arms wrapping around me, felt him putting my arms around my necks, and he carried me to the car. And then he took me home.

_Dear Diary,_

_I am not a believer in love. People are born, they grow old, and they die. But they don't fall in love on the way. I am a believer in the kind of love you feel for your family and friends, but not in the kind of all-consuming love. There are no soul mates. Maybe I am cynical, maybe I am realistic. Maybe both. I wish I would still have it in me, to unwaveringly believe there was a love like this out there for me, but that hope died in me a long time ago. It died the night I should have died. There are a number of people I care about, and I know I'm going to love them forever, but it's too dangerous to let someone in again. So why is it that Damon has managed to get through my walls in such a short time? I built them up so carefully, and I've guarded my heart for the past year with all I have, yet I find myself not wanting to protect myself anymore. I want to let Damon in, but I don't know if I'm ready to do this at the risk of getting hurt. I don't know what I want, really. After a year of hurting and aching, maybe all I want is to finally come home again. And maybe Damon could be that for me. Damon could be home._

I closed my diary and sunk into my bed. Could Damon really be home? That man was basically a stranger to me, I had only known him for a few days, but it didn't change the fact that he made me feel something. Alive. With him, I felt alive again.

* * *

**AN: **I'm really, really sorry for the delay. I originally wanted to post this chapter last week, but things got crazy and I couldn't find the time to write this. Also, I felt so uninspired and everything I wrote seemed wrong, so I deleted and rewrote this a dozen times. To be honest, I'm still not happy with it, and I planned for it to be longer, since 3k words seem to be very little. Unfortunately, I'm going skiing in the Alps tomorrow and I'll be staying until Friday, so I won't have time to write more and I didn't want to make you wait any longer! I'll try to write a new chapter next weekend, otherwise, you'll get one sometime in the next two weeks. Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favorites, I feel honored and happy you like my story! Hopefully, you won't mind the fact Elena isn't a big believer in love in this fic. I figured it's something a bit different from what we see on the show. Also, I hope you won't mind any grammatical and spelling errors. English isn't my native language, so forgive me please. I'll stop rambling, it's 2am and I have to get up early - I have a three hour drive ahead of me. One last thing - how amazing was the last episode? Finally Elena and Damon kissed, everything's going to be uphill from now :) Have a good Monday everyone! x


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